ghost tour

Last weekend, Caleb and I went on a ghost tour of the historic district of Huntsville. We had been before, but the tour is divided into different districts, so we got to have a different tour than we had before.

We don't really believe in ghosts, but being creeped out is always fun.  Caleb is a big history buff, so he appreciates the actual stories that go along with the "hauntings."  I just appreciate feeling like I'm on Ghost Hunters.

The guide was dressed up as a scary undertaker, adding another layer of creep to the proceedings.

The tour started at 6, so it was still daylight outside, making things more funny than scary.  Once it got dark, though, things got much creepier.  I'm fairly certain I saw a ghostly shape in the window of an abandoned house... but, as Caleb informed me, it was probably just a reflection in the glass.

If there's a ghost tour close to you, I highly recommend you take it! It's tons of creepy fun and you'll learn a lot about your city :)

up in the mountains

Monday and Tuesday were my fall break, so we went on a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee with our church.  We stayed in a cabin with an incredible view, hiked (I'm still sore, it was pretty intense), and drank lots of coffee on the porch. It was a great couple days of worship and fellowship.

This was our view. It was amazing.  The mornings were the best; there would be a ton of fog in the valley (The "smokey" mountains, get it?) and the sun would rise over the mountains and burn it all off. It was beautiful.

The best part about the trip was definitely the fellowship and the worship.  Being surrounded by so much natural beauty is quite the reminder of how great God is and how blessed we are.

This was Chimney Tops.  The hike was 2 miles in and two out, and at least a mile and a half of it was steep uphill.  I'm still sore, and there were a few times I wanted to give up, but I'm so glad I didn't.  You felt like you were sitting on top of the world; the summit was this huge rock face on top of the mountain that looked over the valley.  It was incredible

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the iphone-less weekend

It finally happened.
For a year and some change, I have kept my iphone safe. This is because I knew that if something happened to it, I would freak, because that's what I do when things happen. Also, there wouldn't be much of a chance of me getting another one, because the retail value of these things is ridiculous.  Plus, my parents were one of the last bastions of thriftiness who saw no reason to be spending extra every month for me to have internet access whenever I pleased.  It was many a long year of being the only one of my friends with a flip-up keyboard and a separate camera before I joined the kingdom of smartphonedom.

It wasn't this bad. But it was close.

But on Thursday, all was lost.
We've needed to get Drano for the bathroom sink for a couple days (I know, we're gross, but we literally have one night free a week and going to the DG for cleaning supplies just didn't seem that important when it finally rolled around), and so there's a few inches of standing water in the bottom.  Because I am addicted, my phone was sitting on the side of the sink, and I bumped it when I went to wash my hands.

It slid in, I saw it go and yelled curses, got it out and dried it off.  Everything seemed fine, so I didn't worry about it.
Little did I know.
About an hour later, I tried to call Caleb.  I couldn't hear anything coming out of the phone, and Caleb told me after he got home that he couldn't hear me either.  Something was definitely wrong.
After seeking the advice of my FB friends, I threw that sucker in a bag of rice.  We are now waiting to see if it will recover from it's watery dunking.

I dealt with it better than I thought I would, actually.  It'll sound stupid, but I feel so strange without that form of communication.  Of course I had the computer, but not having a way to instantly communicate with someone is strange.  Freeing, a bit, but mostly strange.
The social media aspect was weird to be without, but I think it taught me a lesson.  My first instinct when I see something pretty is to take a picture of it for instagram.  I saw so many gorgeous things this weekend - changing leaves, antique dishes at a moving sale, some slammin' latte art - but there aren't any pictures of them.  I just have to remember them.  It somehow makes them more special to be private rather than shared with everyone.

We went out and had a great time with friends this weekend, and instead of checking my email and editing snapshots to post, I was just there, experiencing it without documenting it.  It was refreshing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty anxious to get my phone back, but the break from the constant communication and technology was timely.  And probably needed.

our (teeny) space

Our apartment is tiny.
Like, the size of some people's bathrooms tiny.
But its enough for Caleb and Margo and I, and we've made it pretty homey, if I do say so myself.
Here's a few glimpses at what we've done with the place:

We use oil lamps that are hand-me-downs from Caleb's grandmother to help cut down on the electric bill. Pioneer chic. Also, Sarah made the initial shadowbox, she's a crafty one.

The banner says "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." I love that verse and the space above our bed was lonely, so I whipped up the pennant one afternoon.

Our sweet friend Amber made this shadowbox for us!

We probably won't live here terribly much longer, but I'm glad we've been able to decorate it and make it a home while we've been here.  I cant wait to have a house to decorate!

Friday Morning Coffee

This morning I went out to coffee (at the same cafe where I work, because I roll with the employee discount hollaaaa) with two of my good friends, Chelsea and Ashley.  We've known each other since middle school and I am constantly amazed at how wise and loving (and hilarious) they are. It's fun to grow together and have people to talk to who are wading through the same time in their lives as you are.

That is a sausage and cheddar muffin and it will make your life complete.

We talked about a couple of rather heavy things today, and a few stood out as things that others may be dealing with, so I thought I'd write about them.

Changing churches: There comes a time for everyone where you have to go and look at different churches, because you grow up and change and what was good for you before (or, what was good for your parents) might not be what you need. Basically everything in your life changes when you reach college, and its an age group where something like 60% of people who used to go to church just... stop.  It's a difficult group to minister too, and lots of churches tend to neglect people in that area.

All three of us have changed churches in the last 3 years because we felt like it was time and we needed something a little different than what we were getting.  For the most part, its not a huge deal and people understand. However, one of us had the experience where people she had know her whole life stopped speaking to her after she stopped attending their church.

There's lots that can be said about that. Churches aren't clubs. They also shouldn't be in competition with other churches. Someone changing churches shouldn't be taken personally by members of the church that was left.  It's not meant to be a personal affront, its just that the individual felt that they were getting more from another church.

I also really have a problem with the "getting the numbers" mentality that seems to be in so many churches, which might be a factor in people being upset when someone leaves. As long as people are getting the true Word, I really don't think where it's happening should be an issue, and we should be rejoicing that people are coming to Christ rather than upset that it happened at another church. Numbers at a youth event don't matter if the people coming aren't being discipled after the fact.

Being 20something and single: I'm the first of my friends to tie the knot, but its something that we're all thinking about.  I have a beautiful friend who hasn't dated the whole time we've been in college because she doesn't want to waste her time with someone she can't see herself marrying.  And I think that is extremely commendable.  I don't think its worth risking hurt and bad decisions for a person that you are dating just because you want to be dating someone.

Here's the thing: when the time and the person is right, you will know. And it will happen when it's meant to happen. May sound hokey, but I firmly believe it.  God's timing and our timing rarely coincide.

I also ate a cupcake. Hate on me hater.

On Marrying Young

Caleb and I got engaged last August, and I couldn't stop flashing my ring around and gushing to whoever would listen about our engagement (the story of which I will write about soon, because it is precious.) I was back in school and in the midst of awkward new class introductions where they ask you to tell something interesting about yourself.  So of course, my interesting fact was always that I had just gotten engaged, and everyone (ok, the girls at least) would ooh and ahh over my ring.

When I had a meeting for the literary magazine that my school publishes, we had a similar "go around and introduce yourself" moment. Hello, my name is Hannah, I'm a junior English student and I'm engaged yay! 

My interesting fact was not so warmly received this time.

To be fair, it was only one guy.  A professor.  Rather than congratulating me, or even keeping his mouth shut and nodding curtly, this guy gave me the ol' creeper up-down and asked "How old are you?"

Unsure of where this was going, I answered. "Um... 21."

The professor snorted and rolled his eyes. "What a waste."

That was enough to quell my interest in helping to edit the literary digest (your loss, douchey prof, I'm a pretty awesome editor).  But that wasn't it.  I later heard that this professor proceeded to proclaim how stupid he thought I was for being engaged at 21 to a majority of his classes.

If that was the moral of this story, I would conclude it here by saying that tenure is a joke and all the schooling in the world can't teach people tact and class.

But that's not really what I'm talking about here.  I'm talking about someone's right to make very personal, intimate decisions about their life without seeking the approval - or having to deal with the unsolicited opinions or thinly veiled "advice" - of everyone and their cousin because of their age.

If this question had been asked and I had answered 16, this eye-rolling, sarcastic reaction would be understandable. 16 and 17 year olds feel really grown up because they can drive and dictate their own schedules, as well as work to support themselves (at least in some capacity), and these freedoms make them (all of us, at that age) feel like we're ready to make other huge decisions, like who we think we're going to be with forever.  This generally leads to a big high school heartbreak with some bad decisions made along the way.

However, by age 18 we're allowed to vote and given a voice in the fate of our country. Not only that, but we can make the decision to join the military and risk our lives for that country. By 21 we can buy alcohol, and may have or almost have a college degree.

Call me crazy, but at 21 I feel like we are pretty well equipped to make a decision like who we want to marry.  If that is our choice.  For lots of 21 year olds its not.  And that's cool too.  But this business of "21 is a time to be wild, sow wild oats, etc ect" is silly and a childish mode of thought.  Whether someone needs time to "be wild" is a judgment to be made by every individual, not something that can be ascribed to an entire age group.

Another argument I hear is that 21 years is not long enough to know who you are.

I feel like I've known who I was since I was 19.  If it took you longer, that's fine.  But don't tell me that I don't know who I am just because you didn't at my age.

I also hear "But there are so many fish in the sea!"

Fist of all, fish freak me out so this analogy does nothing for me. Secondly, yeah, there are lots of people out there.  But I think that when you meet the person that makes all other people pale in comparison, who fully accepts everything about you and about whom you can accept everything, someone that can laugh with you and cry with you when you need it and continually puts your needs above their own if you let them, who's needs you can put above your own without feeling put upon, and someone that you can be silent with as well as talk for hours, someone who makes you never look at anyone else the same way you look at them... why would the fact that there are other people in the world matter, when there is no one else like this person?

Caleb is that person for me.

And on the flip side, here are some more tangible, practical reasons to tie the knot now:

1. Residency: Currently I am considered an Alabama resident going to school in Tennessee, and therefore I've been working my butt off on a scholarship that waives my out-of-state tuition.  Once Caleb and I are married, I'll be a Tennessee resident, and the scholarship won't be an issue, so I can focus more on my job, my grades, and finishing my degree.

2. Tax breaks: Caleb will be going back to school after I graduate, and if we're married, he'll get lots more back on FAFSA.

3. Living arrangements: We won't be living together until after we get married, and consolidating our places into one with one rent will be much easier financially.

But the biggest reason is this: because we love each other, we know that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, and we would like that to begin as soon as possible.

If you don't agree with it, you don't have to come :) You also don't have to tell me your opinion. Because frankly, I don't give a flying fart.  Shocker, I know.

Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy is something I've always had a problem with.

It stems from me comparing myself to others from a very young age.  In fact, I remember the exact point in my life where these comparisons began.  I was in first grade.  I had yet to begin caring what I wore to school or how I looked - I just wore whatever Mom set out for me that day and set on my merry way.  I was starting to notice boys, but mostly because the other girls in my class were beginning to talk about boys and crushes and kissing, and I was intrigued (and wanted to be included in these clandestine corner-of-the-playground conversations).

A girl that sat in my group and was a permanent fixture in these conversations was having one of those giggly first grade boy problems that seem to arise sooner or later.  The boy that sat behind her in class wanted her to be his girlfriend, an activity that she had no interest in.  On the day that my lifelong issue with jealousy and comparisons began, he brought a ring to class, one of the ones that you got from a quarter machine, and gave it to her in a last-ditch attempt to secure her affection.

His ploy didn't work, but I remember being puzzled that day.  No boys had ever made moon eyes at me or chased me on the playground.  They certainly hadn't brought me a gift because they thought I was pretty. What was wrong with me?  What was different about this other girl that made people pay attention, something I was lacking?

The next day, I resolutely told Mom that I would be picking out my own clothes from now on.

My awkward stage seemed to start earlier and last longer than most girls (although I think everyone thinks that).  Boys were never really interested in me until I was almost 17, and my late blooming and thirst for attention led me to make some bad decisions.  I never really considered myself pretty until I was almost 19.  

To be clear, this was not from a lack of parental guidance or attention - my parents were wonderful and supportive, always encouraging.  These feelings arose from constantly comparing myself to other women, especially in the departments of mannerisms and appearance.  In high school, appearance was the biggie.  I went to high school with girls who could have been models, and I held myself to that standard even though I'm not built that way.  I struggled with disordered eating all through high school, though the side effects were only visible part of the time.  My relationship with food and exercise has normalized, but there are still days when I fall into those old patterns of thinking.

Only recently have I been able to accept my looks for what they are, and to celebrate them.  As far as appearance goes, my days of constant comparison seem to be at least dwindling. I attribute that solely to my Savior - the knowledge that He created me as I am, and that I am perfect in His eyes.

Nowadays the comparisons are more geared towards personality traits and mannerisms.  There are women I know who always know the right thing to say - Why am I not as wise as she is?  Still others have a quiet, peaceful spirit about them that calms everyone they meet - Why is my own personality so often on the louder, awkward side?  Learning to cherish myself as I am is almost scary to me, because I have used these comparisons as tools for self-improvement for so long.  But improvement for the wrong reasons is useless.  I am trying to turn these issues over to God, for Him to show me where He wants me to improve for the good of myself and for His word.

I guess the bottom line is that I am constantly learning to be my own person, faults and all, rather than an amalgamation of the traits of those I admire.  It takes all types, right?

I am consistently amazed by the love and acceptance of myself that God is teaching me through my fiance, Caleb.  He knows my faults and my accomplishments and loves me all the same, regardless of whether I am being annoying, feeling unattractive, or making loud, unfunny jokes.  I am so incredibly thankful, because loving Caleb has led me to a greater love of myself.

My issues with jealousy will probably never be completely eradicated.  To be honest, it's probably something that will follow me forever.  But it is something that is improving and something that I can depend on God for, and that alone is worth celebrating.

Obsessed: Old Houses

My dream house would be old.

I want to live somewhere with history.  I love old bungalow style houses, downtown, with big green yards and old gnarled trees.  I love houses with overgrown gardens that look like fairies might live there.  I love old, ivy-covered gazebos and sun rooms with linoleum from the 70s and kitchens with big windows and old-fashioned wooden cabinets.

I would so much rather find an old fixer-upper and make it my dream home than build one from scratch.  That's the beauty of old things - you're taking someone else's dream and making it your own. They store up a history. Someone built those cabinets exactly the way they wanted them, and it turns out its exactly the way you wanted them too.  The garden is more beautiful because someone let it grow wild, someone saw the value in letting nature take over and seeing what happened.  Even the cracks in the sidewalk are beautiful, because they were made by generations of friends and family walking the path to a loved one's door. The imperfections are testament to the fact that yeah, there were bad thunderstorms, and hard days, but look, it's still there and still whole, waiting for someone to make past dreams into dreams of the future.

I love all old things, but mostly old places, I think.  They have a personality of their own. It reminds us that we have inherited the earth and everything in it; nothing is truly ours alone, but something that outdates us, outdates the previous "owners",  that we have taken and refit to ourselves out of the countless personalities and dreams and ideas that inhabited it before.

Old homes are already "broken in", like new leather.  The sanding down of sharp edges, the unavoidable scuffing of new wooden floors, have all already taken place.  Where a newly built house is a shell waiting to be filled, an old home is already lived in, already comfortable, malleable to what you want it to be because it has run the gamut, it knows the drill.  It's just waiting for your vision and hard work and it can be whatever you want it to be.

Things I Am Not Good At

1. Being late - Most people aren't good at being on time, right? I'm the opposite. It really irritates me to be late, even when it's something where being on time isn't important - like showing up to a friend's party or a coffee date. I get so weird about being late that I tend to get to my destination ridic early - like half an hour. And then I sit there.

This is why I always, always have a book.

2. Anything car related - Literally, I have no idea about anything beyond checking my oil to see if I need to add more. Even opening the hood is dicey. Caleb says I remind him of that Geico commercial where the gecko stands forlornly by the roadside and wails "I HAVE A FLAT TIIIIIIRRREEEEE."

3. Not being that annoying person who answers all of the professor's questions - I mean, if I have an idea of what Eliot meant by "still point of the turning world", you betcha I'm gonna throw down on some poetry explication.

4. Diagramming sentences - Is anyone good at this? Why would you need to be good at this?

I'm not good at this.

5. Not being jealous of those people who's hair is always perfectly curled - My hair has two settings - kinda wavy and messy (which is good most days) and crazy Shirley Temple curly. I cannot master that perfect half curl/half wave that every single other blogger in the universe seems to wake up with.

6. Putting in my contacts - You'd think after almost 10 years I would have mastered this. I haven't.

Never Have I Ever

So Nadine over at Back East Blonde (one of my favorite blogs, check her out!) and some other lovely ladies are hosting a never have I ever link up!

Since this was a game near and dear to my heart in my theatre days (lying skills=acting skills) I had to join in.

Never Have I Ever...

Snuck out of my house. This adolescent act of rebellion seems like it was a right of passage to many, but lets be real: I'm still scared of the dark. There ain't no way I'm sneaking out in the dead of night, even though I had the perfect window for it.

Bought platform heels. At 5'10 (and having been there since I was 12), platforms have always been out of reach (hahahahaHA) for me. They made me so tall that I felt even more awkward (no easy feat), so I never learned to walk in them, and now when I try them on I terrify fellow Rack Room shoppers by teetering around like a T-Rex in those tiny aisles.

Had stage fright. I've been on stage since I was 10, and I just never had that gene that made me nervous about it.  I guess I'm so used to making a fool of myself in public that doing it in a forum where people are supposed to pay attention to you doing it just doesn't faze me.

Willingly sat through any of the subsequent Twilight movies. 

Taken off my own nailpolish with a cotton ball.  However, the experience has been forced upon me by manicurists. Which is why I hardly ever get my nails done. I hate those suckers. They make that high pitched squealing noise when they pull apart and they feel weird on your nails and the little fuzzies get stuck to your nails and you can't get them out... UGH UGH UGH I HATE COTTON BALLS.

Slept in the car on an overnight trip. I get that it's fun and adventurous, but I am willing to fork over the cash for a mattress over sleeping with the seat belt buckle digging into my spine.

Spent over 100 bucks on a bag. I have been tempted. Many, many times have I been tempted. But in the end my miserly ways cannot be shaken.

Been spelunking. I've been in commercial caves, even a couple that required climbing and other harrowing actions. But I'm not wiggling through a tiny rock crevice that may or may not be a dead end. Or may or may not house little people-eating monsters. Have you seen The Descent?

Lady Crushes

We've all got them.

Those ladies that are gorgeous and beautiful and basically perfect to the human eye. There is nothing they can't do. We want to be them but we also want to be their best friend.

You know what I'm talking about, ladies.

So here is my list of my top 3 lady crushes:

Jennifer Lawrence

You had to know this was coming.

Seriously, JLaw is one of my favorite public figures in the history of ever. Not only is she a fantabulous actress (congrats if you're reading this, Jen. You aren't, but I like to think of it anyway), she's openly spoken about how she refuses to starve herself for a part and how all pictures that we see of celebrities are Photoshopped. And she cracks me up.

What more could you want?

NOTHING. YOU COULD NOT WANT ANYTHING ELSE.

Emma Watson

Even though she looks like a magical fairy princess, she just seems so real. And she doesn't try to project perfection, which I appreciate.

I also appreciate this:

Thank you, Emma Watson, for your sparkling wit and determination to keep your lady parts concealed from the entire world for the time being.

Troian Bellisario

First off I literally can't even handle this girl's beauty.

Secondly, give her an Emmy already.

Thirdly, I really appreciate that Troian hasn't (for lack of a better term) "sold out." She only does projects that she really feels are important rather than attempting to grow her career by doing everything that comes down the pike.

Also she's just really cool.

Those are my top 3 lady crushes! Who're yours?