Friday, September 6, 2013

the 5 people you don't want to be in college

1.  The Eager Beaver - this is the person that introduces themselves to EVERYONE and tries to make friends with EVERYONE and adds every single person that they speak to on facebook.  In a way, I get it. College is kinda scary if you don't know anyone going in.  But when you try too hard, it seems insincere.  People get the vibe that being popular and gaining more Twitter followers is more important to you than actually building friendships.  Most of the people that you meet this way won't acknowledge you when they pass you in the library next semester - this I know from experience.  Focus on finding people you actually connect with rather than flitting from group to group and adding to your "friend" collection.
2. The Prof's BFF. There's always that one person in the classroom that acts like the entire class is a coffee conversation between them and the professor.  These folks can be found lingering before and after class when the poor prof is trying to leave/ get class started, remisicing about the advanced Middle English classes they took in high school and how the university isn't meeting their intellectual needs.  This person also likes to explicate poems, use the word "essentially", and try to make creepy, inappropriate jokes with the professors. There's a fine line between developing rapport with your instructor and being a creep. Don't be that guy.
3. The Netflix Guy. Lord knows I love Netflix.  Netflix is great... in the proper setting. Sitting 3 rows from the front of a 300-student lecture hall is not the proper setting.  Especially if you're going to watch some sort of weird anime.  If you're gonna watch Netflix during class, stay home to do it.
Don't be this guy.
4. Starbucks Haunter. Chances are high there will be a Starbucks on your campus.  My first instinct is to tell you to RUN AWAY and find a local coffee shop who doesn't burn their shots and actually steams milk, but I accept that my warning will probably fall on deaf ears.  All I ask is that you don't become the person who constantly talks about how much they NEED their Starbucks in the morning or they just OMG WON'T FUNCTION HAHA.  This person is waiting in line when the doors open and will stand in line for an hour.  Every time they make plans, they will start with "Let's meet at Starbucks!" They will clutch their Venti double-skim soy milk latte close to their heart at the beginning of every class, cowering behind large sunglasses in an attempt to channel MK. Don't do it.
5. We are SOOO college! The rest of the people on this list are annoying, but able to be handled with only the barest of eye-rolls. Not so the SO college! exclaimer.  From the first time they set foot on campus, their every action is designed to be a cliche college moment. Eating ramen noodles? SO COLLEGE. Staying up late in the library? SO COLLEGE. Wearing Nike shorts and a sweatshirt and Uggs with a full face of makeup and straightened hair because you're "sooo tired you just don't care haha #collegelife" mirror selfie? OMGZ SOOO COLLEGE!!!!
Stop it.

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